The Politics of Loneliness
I was at McDonald's this morning, getting my internet fix while on the road, and eating a parfait. Stage set. In McDonald's are probably seven or eight couples. Couples only. And then me. It's a huge restaurant. There are televisions, computers, tons of tables. But somehow, we all ended up sort of congregated in the same section. Most of them were old, so I chalked it up to them perhaps knowing each other, and continued to read my Kindle and tweet.
Several people, as I've been traveling, have had questions about my Kindle. Whever I pull it out and read it (the airport, the line at Albertson's, the dentist, McDonald's), it attracts bystanders like a car wreck. They want to look at it, touch it, use it, read it, ask questions. It's amazing. It's like a tiny baby. Everyone wants to hold it.
So I'm in McDonald's this morning, and this guy comes up to ask questions about my Kindle. We get to chatting for a bit, and he asks me about my marital status. (Those of you who don't know me, I wear a ring on my left hand, precisely to get people not to ask about my marital status. I am not married.) I had mentioned I was traveling alone (because I had so much time to read my Kindle), and yet I was wearing a wedding ring. Hmmm, it's a mystery.
So I told him I wasn't married. The ring was a gift from a friend, which it was, and I just wore it because that's the finger it fits on, which is also true.
He said, "aww, that's too bad." And proceded to look around the McDonald's. Including at the table where he and his wife (probably in their 60s) were having breakfast. His wife was sitting alone, about three chairs down, eating her pancakes in silence.
I said, "why is that?"
"Well, nobody wants to be alone, right?"
Right?
I got to thinking about that. I wasn't trying to be snarky with the guy. It was just strange that he would apologize to me for my own life choice. I wasn't trying to be mean to him, I just don't get it why being alone is such a bad thing.
I love to be alone.
I love to travel alone, to watch TV alone, to cook alone, to dance alone.... I don't hate being alone. And I don't feel sorry for myself because I'm single. I don't think there's something wrong with me because I'm single, and it's not a lifestyle choice I'm desperately trying to change. I like it. I like myself. I want to be with myself right now. Sometime in the future, I might want to be with someone else, too, because let's face it, there are a lot of cool people in this world and it would be fun to be with one of them. But I'm not in that place right now.
I don't think it's wrong or bad or shameful to be alone.
And I think more people need to think that and say it. And I think we need to teach it to our children. Yes, isolating is not healthy. But being alone is not wrong. And as long as you can manage to keep relationships in tact, some of us might need to spend significant time by ourselves. I know, for me, that's how I recharge my batteries.
So, yes, sometimes if you see that person sitting by themselves reading a Kindle, they might be lonely. And they might need a friend. And they might want to talk to you. But it's just as likely that they might want to be left alone.
They might (*shudder*)
13 comments:
AMEN, SISTA! I also like my own company. Sometimes too much time with other people leaves me feeling itchy.
I need alone time, too. You don't have a lot of that when you have young children, so I usually stay up late at night to get it. Then I'm exhausted all day because I didn't get enough sleep!
I think it ok to be alone.
I think deep down though, you don't want to be single.
I think this is why this gentleman's comment bothered you so much.
Really all he was saying was, "You seem like a cute, smart woman with a lot to offer." I don't think that is too awful a thing to try and communicate with someone. Even if they did so poorly.
At my daughter's band concert recently, I peppered the guy in front of me with so many questions about his Ipad, he looked like he wanted to change his seat.
And it's better to be happy alone than an unhappy half of a couple.
These are all good comments. I commend you for airing your thoughts on here rather than to somebody who wouldn't have known how to take it. I have a tendency to become rather cynical and hmm...what's that word my husband used...sardonic!
You're fine the way you are, Rebecca. And when you're not, God will direct you to a new path. So I say relish in the beauty of each moment, without giving trouble to your thoughts.
Hmm. Great blog post! When I was single, I, too, enjoyed being alone. I especially loved traveling to all those foreign countries by myself!
Have you ever thought about removing the ring from your finger, though? Somebody might be checking you out, see the ring, and then assume you're married - and then not bother to approach you to ask? Ya never know...
Lexi, you are my writing soulmate right now! :-)
Melissa,
I've heard that, too, about having little kids. My friends who have little kids all say that they would like to have the freedom to have alone time. Definitely a trade-off, though... kids are amazing. Time alone is also amazing. It's easy for me to envy what I don't have, I guess. :-)
Thanks for stopping by!
Clint,
I think you're probably right. Deep down, I probably don't want to be single. I don't want to admit that, though... that's scary. That means I have to be ready to have a relationship. I'm not in that place right now.
Thanks for the encouragement. :-)
Wendy, I do that too. Especially when I see iPads. I'm not sure how I feel about them yet. I love my Kindle, so I'm always interested in how the experience feels. :-)
Thanks, Regina. :-) You are so encouraging to me. I don't know what I'd do without you. :-)
Cecelia, I've wondered about taking the ring off. I mostly wear it when I travel so I won't have to deal with the approach of people. So it's sort of a wall. But I will admit that I'm not all that open in general. I think I probably need to be more intentionally open if I'm going to encourage people to approach me.
Thanks for stopping by! :-)
Hi Rebecca,
I noticed your comment on the ACFW loop and checked out your website.
I am married but my sister is single and will probably never get
married now (she's nearing retirement) But she is perfectly happy with her life and has filled it with a career, volunteer opportunities and an active church life. I understand your frustration because people still try to match her up with someone and seem to feel she'll never be complete without a man. You're fine the way you are! The key is seeking after God and trusting Him for your path. Whether single or married, there are pros and cons to each, as with anything. Enjoy your alone time and if God brings someone special along, don't shy away from it. But if you are simply "singular for Jesus", that's fine, too!
-Cynthia
Post a Comment