What scares you?
When I bought my first stick built home the one thing I loved was I could sit in my chair and see both doorways into the house. I felt safe. Growing up on the original Halloween, Nightmare on Elm Street and Dark Shadows, I knew there was evil in the world. An evil that wasn’t stopped when you think you’ve killed off the bad guy. An evil that lived on for the sequel.
Trying to control my environment, trying to keep an eye on all entrances to my world, trying to make the best choice in a world full of pathways. I guess what really scared me was taking a chance. What if I take the path less traveled and it was the wrong choice?
As you can probably tell, this post is less about Halloween and more about the real life fears we share. Fears shared as writers and just living the daily life we’ve been given.
This month I won a contest. I was one of eight pre-published writers who got ten minutes in a chat room with Carina Press Editor, Angela James. Talk about fear. This is my second pitch; the first was at RWA Nationals. Am I saying the right things? Am I being polite and funny, showing myself to be an author she wants to work with? Is my book really a fit for the new, digital only model? Basically, all the teenage angst of trying to make a good impression with this new writing sorority I’m trying to rush.
Her questions for me included things I’d prepared for and some I hadn’t. What brought me to write a mystery? Is there romance mixed in with the mystery? What kind of marketing would I do when my book is published? What am I writing now?
And before you knew it, the ten minutes was over and I had a request for a full submission.
Now comes the really scary part. I have to send the manuscript, a synopsis and a cover letter.
And hope. Hope that she likes it. Hope that I didn’t send my baby out too fast or down the wrong path. And hope that optimism replaces the fear.
Now you know my basic fear. Rejection. And spiders. And mice. Vampires? Not so much, especially now that they’ve gone all cool rather than scary.
So dear readers, it’s your turn. What scares you?
(The picture is from a tour of the Lemp Mansion. A real haunted house here in St. Louis.)
4 comments:
What scares me?
Fear that I'll cultivate an ability to focus on the single shadow in a meadow filled with sun, because I'm talented that way.
Fear that I'll become blind to the small miracles that blossom in my path every day, because I already spend so much time with my eyes closed.
That the cynicism I play at will become real.
That the attitude I see outside my window--arrogance, disbelief in all things divine, indifference toward anything greater than ourselves--will find its way inside.
Misdirected time. Lack of wonder. A small mind, and a smaller heart.
Looking up at a night sky and not wondering if someone on the far side of the stars is looking back.
But mostly, Jello with fruit inside. Which is an abomination against nature.
A lot of people try to banish their fears through this means or that. I'll keep mine. I think being mindful of them is my best defense against seeing them come true.
This was a lovely essay, Lynn. It made me think about things that matter. Too little of that going on in my world lately.
Thanks. And nicely done.
Most of my fear stems from not being good enough. Am I a good mother? That is always the thing that worries me the most. Also, should I really be spending so much time on writing? It's my dream but does it affect my family. I'm blessed to have an amazing and supportive husband and kids. Still, what if...
Oh, but I'm DEATHLY scared of roaches. Irrational, inexplicable, bone chilling, unable to breathe, kind of fear!
Joe - You could never lose yourself in the shadow. It's not in your DNA.
Ciaraknight - OMG I worried from the day my son was born. I didn't know anything about boys. How would I ever raise him.
Good news, even with all the worry...he turned out great. Your kids will too because you do worry.
And roaches, I can deal with. Now spiders.... yeck!!!!
And I forgot...
ciaraknight? If your writing brings you joy, then yes, you should spend the time. If I've learned anything in this life is that we have to do the things for us as well as what we do for everyone else.
Took me long enough to get that.
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