Fear and Change
Recently, a good friend of mine Terrell Mims posted about the importance of words and how they could make an impact on our lives, small or large. It’s an awesome post, check it out here.
After reading his post, I took it a step further and commented that mindset can also impact you and those around you.
Jump ahead a few days and I’m in the middle of desperately trying to catch up on my craft classes. I’m taking three at the moment. Yikes!
Anyway, so this particular class is an online course taught by none other than Bob Mayer. In it, he teaches us the tenets of becoming a successful writer. Check out the information on his Warrior Writer workshops here.
So, here I am, trying to be a good pupil, when I zero in on what Bob is telling me. First he says when people fail to achieve their goals, it is because they have allowed fear to rule them.
Ok, that makes sense.
Then he asks, “How willing are you to change? Are you willing to learn from any source that helps you improve yourself? If you are not where you want to be, then you must change, rather than waiting for the world to come to you. Because guess what? It isn’t.”
What?
What do you mean I have to change? Are you saying that if I sit here long enough, someone won’t walk by with the answers to all of my problems wrapped up in a little box with a neat bow?
Well.
And then he hit me.
First, he smacked me in the back of the head with “To change, you have to be willing to say the three hardest words for many people, I am wrong.” Then, he followed it with a jarring slap to the face with, “You must be willing to surrender.”
Wow.
You must be willing to surrender.
You must be willing to say, “I am wrong.”
So here is where Fear and Change come in.
We humans all have fears. Many of us fear change.
I, for one, have fear not of failure itself, but of allowing myself to fail. I’m sure there is an even deeper meaning there, but I haven’t gotten to that layer within myself yet. It’s a damn good thing I’m stubborn!
Going back to Terrell’s post, the words we use and the mindset we have are direct connections to the things we fear and the changes we need to make. An example would be that negative person who almost always sees the glass half empty. When you, being the loving and positive person you are, try to encourage this person and offer suggestions or advice, they usually have an excuse as to why this suggestion or that piece of advice won’t work.
Me thinks someone’s a fraidy cat.
Mr. or Ms. Negative is most likely afraid. Of losing control. Of being wrong. Of letting go. Who knows, could be anything, but fear is at the heart of it. And so, this fear triggers their mindsets, making them negative which in turn causes everything they say to be negative.
Perhaps, if they start from the opposite end, they could achieve that change without falling apart or hurting themselves. They could put positive spins on things rather than negative. A simple, “good morning” with a smile goes a long way. You’d be surprised how much your day can brighten with something as small as that. Those two words can have a powerful impact on a person’s mindset.
The more Mr. or Ms. Negative’s mindset changes for the better, the more aware they become of their words and their actions, and naturally the more positive and uplifting they will be all around.
And then, I’m guessing, being able to say, “I am wrong,” won’t be so hard.
Just a guess.
So now I want to know what all of you think about this. What do you fear? Are you open to change? What obstacles have you had to overcome in order to achieve change in your life?
15 comments:
Hi Kate,
Interesting post!
I've always battled fear of success, which sounds crazy. I can grapple with failure - don't like it but I can handle it - but success usually means praise and attention and I never handle either well, nor do I feel I deserve it. In fact, I notice I'll make all kinds of detours for myself the closer I get to achieving a goal. (Not world-class success either, just meeting a big-deal-to-me goal.
So I'm trying hard to change my ways. It's not easy though!
Hi Kate - I LOVE Bob Mayer. And yes, his warrior workshop kicked my goal setting gene back into high gear.
Glad you're getting a lot out of his stuff.
Bridgette - I totally get what you are saying. I battle that same fear. Yeah, it makes no sense...I mean, we WANT to succeed, yet we manage to find ways to sabotage ourselves...it's craziness!
Lynn - Bob Mayer is a god, I am SO glad I'm taking this class. He's prett-Y amazing.
I'm going to check out Bob's classes. I've got fear of success going in my world as well. I think another piece of it is wondering what is my success is a fluke. Nuts yes. It doesn't happen with everything, but does circle more with my writing. I'll go the long, difficult way and it is frustrating at times. Great post!
Great post Kate! All of that reflection and introspection is taking you on quite a journey and Bob Mayer is your tour guide. It's all good and I'm looking forward to hearing what you have to say when you arrive at your destination!
I liked your post a lot, Kate. I found it quite inspiring. Why do you suppose so many of us have fear of success? Fear of being vulnerable, maybe? ~Susan Kelly
No wonder I don't like change- I hate doing both of those things. LOL- at least I know what to do when I'm ready to grow up and do it right.
Barbara - Definitely sign up with him, he's a necessity, like air. I understand what you mean, as if you accidentally finished the book or were signed with an agent...as if outside circumstances were the deciding factors rather than your talent. It isn't true, of course, but that is what we think. I say...we just accept that we're a little crazy, shrug, and move on! ;p
Patricia - Thanks! I'm scared and excited about this journey all at the same time. I'll absolutely keep posting tidbits here and there, so stay tuned.
Susan - I'm not sure exactly...but I'm sure vulnerability is a big part of it. No one wants to be examined under the microscope, and, speaking from the writer's perspective, having your work out there for all the world to see, judge, have an opinion on? It's like high school, but a million times worse! I know that those who are successful are scared every time they put themselves out there, they just no longer allow that fear to control them. That's where I want to be.
LOL Alica...you crack me up ;p
Hi Kate...
Your post reminds me of FDR's famous words...We have nothing to fear but fear itself...
Fear is another four-lettered word that's starts with an "F". :)
Since I've started writing, I've discovered new fears. But like everything else in life, it's learning curve. I ask myself, what's the absolute worst that could happen? And yeah, it's happened...i.e...scathing judge's comments, major story revisions...but I'm still here plodding away. You can liken me to a dog chasing its tail. He's not going anywhere, but he's having a good time. :)
Cheers!
Jen
I've been thinking a lot about change lately and this post just kind of summarizes everything I've been telling myself. Especially your first comment to Bridgette below - we want to succeed and keep finding ways to sabotage ourselves. It IS craziness!
Finding a way to change the inner monologue to, "I DO deserve this. I AM a good writer," is so hard.
Maybe a post it on my laptop will help.
Great post!
tameri...
Hi Kate,
Fear is a huge roadblock. Being a perfectionist, makes fear a really ugly monster. Having a positive attitude is parmamount in overcoming fear. I find breaking my fear down into small tasks gives me a jump. Before I know it, the fear has been vanquished and I didn't even try too hard.
I guess that's an action verses change, but maybe they're one and the same.
Nancy J Nicholson
Hi Kate!
Wonderful post. Bob Mayer's Warrior Writer class changed my life for the better. I also have that fear of success thing going on. I sabotage myself with "busyness" so it appears that I'm being positive and "getting things done" the only problem is they aren't the things that would really make a difference to my writing career. Want me to shop, prepare and execute a party for 30? I'm so your girl! Especially when I want to avoid what I'm really afraid of --- writing success. Happy to say I'm doing better, it seems that knowing what you're doing to kill your success is half the battle. The other half, doing something about it. Thanks for the reminder. Love your blogging style and this page. Loads to explore.
Hi Kate,
I really enjoyed reading this post. Changing our ways is one of the hardest things to do. I think it is in human nature to keep doing things the same way and not really wanting to change that. Taking an advice from others, especially if their opinion is so much different from ours, is hard. I finally have changed the way I take an advice from others but it was a long process. Now I embrace it instead of pouting, ha,ha. I might not always agree completely with another person’s opinion but I like to ponder upon it and see where I might be wrong. My wonderful writers' critique group might have a lot to do with this new way of thinking and I am so thankful for those amazing people in my life :-)
Hi Kate,
Your post reminds me of a quote by Marianne Williamson. The older I get, the more it speaks to me. The quote is:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
Jen - That's actually really great...you're facing your fears and not allowing them to control you. That takes strength of character...and it's half the battle!
Tameri - Yes, the inner monologue is key. Whenever I catch myself being negative, I just tell myself the same things: "I AM deserving, I AM talented, I AM good enough" Eh, a post-it couldn't hurt!
Nancy - I think the action is what creates the change. I agree, breaking the fears down into manageable parts is the best way to go.
Kate - Isn't it such a relief to find that you're not alone? We writers have A LOT in common ;p Thanks for the praise, and definitely check out the other posts...my fellow writers on this blog are very talented and offer great insights.
Angela - Yes, admitting that you're wrong or that someone else may have a better idea can be a bitter pill to swallow. It requires letting go, and takes quite a bit of courage to do it. I'm still working out some kinks with that myself.
Traci - WOW! That is so insightful and inspiring. I'm going to print that out and keep it with me. Thank you so much for sharing it.
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